Christmas eve is finally over but with its end didn't come the relief I had hoped for. Instead I keep feeling like crap >_< At first it looked like it might turn out to be a good night after all, but then something happened and yeah, nothing really turned out like I had hoped it would. I ate dinner and opened my presents but found no joy in that. Instead of eating dessert I escaped to my room and spent the rest of the evening in solitude, reading and watching a movie. It seems I am no longer able to appreciate this holiday...
Today we finally booked the trip to Venezuela but to be quite honest I no longer feel like going anywhere, a shame seeing how much money it has already cost me. I guess I don't look forward to anything right now. I wish it was possible for me to go to sleep and not wake up until this summer. I have a feeling this semester will be hell and I'd rather shoot myself than to experience that again.
I had really hoped to fly some now that I am home but naturally that didn't work out either. Those fucking retarded people at the maintenance company where the plane is right now decided to close up for the holidays and gave us basically no time to pick it up. GAH! But I'm not surprised, why would anything ever go my way? I just wanna cry...
Thank god I didn't have a chance to speak to anyone tonight for it would most likely not have been a pleasant conversation. My negativity isn't confined to trivial matters but rather involves everything currently in my life. I wish I could somehow make it go away but has proven to be a lot harder than I originally anticipated. And everything keeps changing for the worse. Those things that I used to be very enthusiastic about no longer feel worth while. I push away those I love for I wish not to hurt them, but I guess that is inevitable.
I hate my life right now.
Tuesday 25 December 2007
Friday 14 December 2007
Feelings of relief
FINALLY! The exam is done and I can relax for the first time in quite a while. Studying what feels almost like 24/7 takes its toll *yaaaaawns* I was nervous that I would freak out when I saw the test but it wasn't as intimidating as I had expected it to be. I guess that's always how it is - you picture the worst case scenario in your head but once you get there you realise that it wasn't nearly as impossible as you'd imagined. The downside is that I always get so stressed out that I almost give up... that certainly wouldn't make it any better :P
Apparently we'll be given the results at the end of next week. That should keep our teachers busy for a while. REVENGE! xD
Maybe getting them after christmas would've been better for the sake of everyone around me. Right now I feel like I don't care how well I did as long as I reached the magical 50% limit. Anything short of that and I'll hang myself from the christmas tree, lol. I have a feeling that when that day comes I wont feel that 50% is enough. It's always about being best... *sighs*
I wish I had a computer of my own. Some of my friends play games when they don't have anything better to do but I can only watch which is boring and rather lame. Maybe I'll buy one if I get a full pay from the Navy. I'm not really supposed to get any money from them since I'm studying but so far no one has contacted me and I sure as hell wont call them up.
More news. My brother just bought a car and dad managed to destroy (hopefully just partially) his computer. Fun times. Thus I'll see the whole family when I go home tomorrow which should be nice =) At least I don't have to sit alone in my room like last time. (or like 99% of my free time) But I like privacy so you don't need to feel sorry for me ^^
I had to return The Da Vinci Code today even though I hadn't finished reading it, stupid crap >_< At least I found another book that I can keep until after the christmas break so that's good!
Hmm, I need to get up early tomorrow and pack so I should probably hit the hay.
*insert appropriate goodbye phrase here*
Apparently we'll be given the results at the end of next week. That should keep our teachers busy for a while. REVENGE! xD
Maybe getting them after christmas would've been better for the sake of everyone around me. Right now I feel like I don't care how well I did as long as I reached the magical 50% limit. Anything short of that and I'll hang myself from the christmas tree, lol. I have a feeling that when that day comes I wont feel that 50% is enough. It's always about being best... *sighs*
I wish I had a computer of my own. Some of my friends play games when they don't have anything better to do but I can only watch which is boring and rather lame. Maybe I'll buy one if I get a full pay from the Navy. I'm not really supposed to get any money from them since I'm studying but so far no one has contacted me and I sure as hell wont call them up.
More news. My brother just bought a car and dad managed to destroy (hopefully just partially) his computer. Fun times. Thus I'll see the whole family when I go home tomorrow which should be nice =) At least I don't have to sit alone in my room like last time. (or like 99% of my free time) But I like privacy so you don't need to feel sorry for me ^^
I had to return The Da Vinci Code today even though I hadn't finished reading it, stupid crap >_< At least I found another book that I can keep until after the christmas break so that's good!
Hmm, I need to get up early tomorrow and pack so I should probably hit the hay.
*insert appropriate goodbye phrase here*
Sunday 9 December 2007
Thoughts about thoughts
Today I decided to make a list of what needs to be read before the exam, something I should've done a long time ago. Now it suddenly doesn't feel as overwhelming as it did yesterday. Also I entered deeply into EU's political organisation. The funny thing is that the more you read the less you actually understand how things work. Intrigues and fights over power happens on a daily basis. Insane.
After reading me and my brother ate at a very tiny and cosy thai restaurant on Södermalm and the food was as yummy now as it was last time I was there ^^ We had booked tickets to the movie Beowulf which started at 8.45 so after finishing the meal we rushed off to the subway but still managed to get there five minutes too late. Thank you lord for trailers! (you wont hear me say that again anytime soon)
The movie itself wasn't as good as I had thought but still rather entertaining. I didn't really like how it was 100% animated though. I mean, come on guys, you can't beat Finding Nemo so you might as well stop trying xP
Tomorrow (today) is my brother's last day in town. I really hope he's enjoyed his stay even though I haven't been the best host, seeing how I've had my nose buried in books most of the time ;_; Although I did warn him about my impending exam.
A pleasant surprise was that my neighbour decided to move out so now I have the shower and bathroom all to myself, yay! Not that I disliked him or anything but now I don't even have to bring a towel when I shower xD One needs to focus on the positive things!
Ugh, I haven't exercised for days now and feel rather bad about it >_< I should probably go for a run or to the gym after my brother has left tomorrow. I just wish I had an mp3 player, it would make running a more attractive form or exercise.
That's all folks. Tune in tomorrow for another episode of "Oliver's very normal life".
Over and out!
After reading me and my brother ate at a very tiny and cosy thai restaurant on Södermalm and the food was as yummy now as it was last time I was there ^^ We had booked tickets to the movie Beowulf which started at 8.45 so after finishing the meal we rushed off to the subway but still managed to get there five minutes too late. Thank you lord for trailers! (you wont hear me say that again anytime soon)
The movie itself wasn't as good as I had thought but still rather entertaining. I didn't really like how it was 100% animated though. I mean, come on guys, you can't beat Finding Nemo so you might as well stop trying xP
Tomorrow (today) is my brother's last day in town. I really hope he's enjoyed his stay even though I haven't been the best host, seeing how I've had my nose buried in books most of the time ;_; Although I did warn him about my impending exam.
A pleasant surprise was that my neighbour decided to move out so now I have the shower and bathroom all to myself, yay! Not that I disliked him or anything but now I don't even have to bring a towel when I shower xD One needs to focus on the positive things!
Ugh, I haven't exercised for days now and feel rather bad about it >_< I should probably go for a run or to the gym after my brother has left tomorrow. I just wish I had an mp3 player, it would make running a more attractive form or exercise.
That's all folks. Tune in tomorrow for another episode of "Oliver's very normal life".
Over and out!
Saturday 8 December 2007
Stressful times
Shit shit shit. The exam in security politics will take place this thursday and I'm really freaked. I should do nothing but study but for some reason I lack the motivation needed. I have nightmares about the big pile of books that needs to be read and not to mention understood.
Our teacher gave us a sample of typical questions that will be used in the exam but if the point was to rid us of some stress then he failed miserably >_<
Ugh, I just want to pass this exam so I can go home for christmas with a clear conscience.
Speaking of christmas, I still have no idea where, when or even IF I should go somewhere ;_; I still haven't talked to my teacher about week 3 so I have no idea if it'll be possible to travel then or if I have to stay at home and do those stupid assignments. If so I'll KILL HIM! I wonder what would happen if I just ignored it :shady: ARGH! All this uncertainty is driving me nuts.
My brother is here this weekend which means that my tiiiiny room feels like an animal cage. It's nice to have some company though even if it means that I don't study as much as I should. Apparently it's only his second time in Stockholm which means that I have a resposibility to show him all the cool places to hang. Today we ate enchilada at Kungshallen and then I taught him the secret art of taking the subway. Might catch a movie tomorrow. So all in all it should be a good weekend.
Btw, did you know that the world record for staying awake the longest is 447 hours (around 18 days) and was set by a woman competing in a rocking chair contest xP
Okies, that's all I have for tonight. Sleep tight folks.
Our teacher gave us a sample of typical questions that will be used in the exam but if the point was to rid us of some stress then he failed miserably >_<
Ugh, I just want to pass this exam so I can go home for christmas with a clear conscience.
Speaking of christmas, I still have no idea where, when or even IF I should go somewhere ;_; I still haven't talked to my teacher about week 3 so I have no idea if it'll be possible to travel then or if I have to stay at home and do those stupid assignments. If so I'll KILL HIM! I wonder what would happen if I just ignored it :shady: ARGH! All this uncertainty is driving me nuts.
My brother is here this weekend which means that my tiiiiny room feels like an animal cage. It's nice to have some company though even if it means that I don't study as much as I should. Apparently it's only his second time in Stockholm which means that I have a resposibility to show him all the cool places to hang. Today we ate enchilada at Kungshallen and then I taught him the secret art of taking the subway. Might catch a movie tomorrow. So all in all it should be a good weekend.
Btw, did you know that the world record for staying awake the longest is 447 hours (around 18 days) and was set by a woman competing in a rocking chair contest xP
Okies, that's all I have for tonight. Sleep tight folks.
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