Christmas eve is finally over but with its end didn't come the relief I had hoped for. Instead I keep feeling like crap >_< At first it looked like it might turn out to be a good night after all, but then something happened and yeah, nothing really turned out like I had hoped it would. I ate dinner and opened my presents but found no joy in that. Instead of eating dessert I escaped to my room and spent the rest of the evening in solitude, reading and watching a movie. It seems I am no longer able to appreciate this holiday...
Today we finally booked the trip to Venezuela but to be quite honest I no longer feel like going anywhere, a shame seeing how much money it has already cost me. I guess I don't look forward to anything right now. I wish it was possible for me to go to sleep and not wake up until this summer. I have a feeling this semester will be hell and I'd rather shoot myself than to experience that again.
I had really hoped to fly some now that I am home but naturally that didn't work out either. Those fucking retarded people at the maintenance company where the plane is right now decided to close up for the holidays and gave us basically no time to pick it up. GAH! But I'm not surprised, why would anything ever go my way? I just wanna cry...
Thank god I didn't have a chance to speak to anyone tonight for it would most likely not have been a pleasant conversation. My negativity isn't confined to trivial matters but rather involves everything currently in my life. I wish I could somehow make it go away but has proven to be a lot harder than I originally anticipated. And everything keeps changing for the worse. Those things that I used to be very enthusiastic about no longer feel worth while. I push away those I love for I wish not to hurt them, but I guess that is inevitable.
I hate my life right now.
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