My wish list

I wish I was...

...handsome, smart, humourous, motivated, confident, happy, looked up to, taller, diligent, less conservative, tired (considering the late hour), appreciated, mature, spontaneous, benevolent, artistic, quick-thinking, romantic, content, thrustworthy, optimistic... Simply put, I wish I was someone else ;_;

Tonight is not a good night as Im sure you can tell. I don't really know where this low came from which makes it even more frustrating. I try to fight it but it wont let go and after a while I just don't have the strenght to keep trying. Even the slightest disappointment can set off an avalanche in my head which doesn't stop until everything is in ruins >_<

I just wish I could somehow disappear from this godforsaken place, become invisible, go up in smoke or maybe sink through the floor... Although that probably wouldn't be a good idea since my room isn't located at ground level. Crappers! Ah well, I guess the carpet will have to do for now...

Today when I left the restaurant I saw this amazing red sky and decided to run and get my camera and try to get some nice shots. Afterwards I have to admit that it probably wasn't the sun I saw but a comet passing earth at close proximity, seeing how fast it disappeard =( So there I was, cold and alone with the camera in my hand but nothing to take pictures of. Not good ones anyway. If I hadn't been as stubborn as a mule I probably would've realised that there was no point to continue after this... But naturally I did and the results were lame. Wow, Im so surprised. Not.

- - - - - - -

Today is a very special day and I really should try to be atleast somewhat positive. HOW DOES ONE DO THAT? ;_;

Gah, 6 hours until I have to get up which means that today will be as sucky as today, if not worse. And on top of that I have to study to my leadership exam.

Ah whatever!

Caught in a tornado

Today's been a very busy day. I was happy to learn that our class didn't start at 08.10 as usual but 9 which gave me some extra sleep, sometime I was in dire need of. Unfortunately I still had to get up pretty early since they stop serving breakfast at 8 >_<
Without sounding all too negative I have to say that these so called lectures that we attend every day is pretty much worthless. The only thing I appreciated was the short briefing on how our future might be affected by the defection of out defence minister (that coward!).

After dinner I went to a choir practice for the first time in my life and it rocked! Well, not exactly rocked :shady: But we had a lot of fun. And the cantor was awesome. So I'll probably keep going every monday as long as my schedule allows it.

Im slightly nervous about our examination that will be handed out on thursday and is due on wednesday next week. I have absolutely no idea what it will be about and that kinda scares me. But Im fastly determined to do as much of the work as possible on thursday and friday since Im going to Oslo on saturday to spend the weekend+ with a very wonderful person! I still feel like I really need to get away from this place as much as can. Hopefully that will change in time but right now Im not sure what I'd do if I didn't have that to look forward to. And despite all of the turbulence around that weekend Im sure it'll work out for the best. I'll do my very best to make sure that's the case!

Oh mother crap, it's late ;_; Not much sleep today either it seems. AAAAARGH!

Sleep well my fellow nightowls.

*floats away on heart-shaped clouds*

The road im on

It seems like I haven't been very active on here lately. For some reason that always happens when I get a new blog, I write in it a couple of times and the forget all about it =/ Me in a nutshell. But whatever, it's not like anyone ever reads this anyway.

My life has gone through a rather big change this past few weeks. First I spent some sort of introduction week at the flightschool in Linköping which was awesome. I seriously can't wait to start there in a year! xD What struck me as out of the ordinary, atleast when talking about the swedish military, was the mentality of the teachers and the extremely pedagogical build-up of the training there.
I even got a back-seat ride in one of their sk-60's (the plane I'll start flying when I get there) and it was SOOO COOL! And oh so different from the Cessna planes Im used to fly. You could see so much more since the canopy has the shape of a bubble. Even got to feel some g-forces, 4.5 to be more exact. A real motivation boost!

After all of this it was a huge changeover for the worse to start at Karlberg in Stockholm the following week. The courses couldn't be less interesting and I feel like I don't have that much in common with a lot of people here ;_; I need to see stuff from the bright side for a change instead of only thinking about the downsides. Because there ARE a few things on the positive-list. First of all this place offers an incredible amount of pastime activities like kayaking, shooting, a top-class gym, some very nice running tracks, climbing, riding (although that's not entirely certain yet), fencing (trying that for the first time later today xD), choir practice (same with that ;) and I was even informed that there's a music room somewhere on the premisis.

So yes, HAPPY THOUGHTS OLIVER!!!

But what really keeps me going is the weekends. Im in love with a totally wonderful and amazing person and if it wasn't for her Im not sure I would come out of these first couple of weeks with my sanity still there. Whenever I feel like I wanna give up I just think of her and that provides me with the motivation I need to carry on.
This being said, it still ain't just pink skies and bumblebees for even as the thought of her is enough to make me want to dance naked on the rooftops I still miss her almost constantly. And missing someone that much, as Ive come to understand, really consumes a LOT of energy. But I guess it would be weird and utterly unnatural if I didn't. It's a two-edged sword, that stuff.

Uh oh, it's getting really late and I have school tomorrow >_<>

I'll try to update this blog a bit more often from now on. Until then, stay safe, it's a dangerous world we live in!

Peace to y'all! (and love to a special someone <3)
Over and out!

Me as my own hostage

Today's been one of those days you'd prefer to just erase from your memory. One bad thing took over from another. I wish I knew why I get like this. There has to be some sort of trigger. Maybe it's the friggin loneliness. It's possible. Everything seems possible at this stage. Im gonna have to try and deal with it the best I can, for it left unbridled Im afraid it'll drag me down and take everyone I care for along with me.

Forgive me my unthoughtful words. I do wish I could take them back ;_; I don't wanna fill your head with doubt. Not about this. Not about us. You have no idea how important this is to me.

Ahwell.

Probably going flying tomorrow again, weehoo ^^ Although this time it will be with someone Ive never met before. I really hope he's nice. I mean, it's not like I can just walk away if he's not :shady: (although I guess I could bring a parachute O_o) I can't see why he wouldn't be though.
Or WAIT! What if he hijacks the plane and flies it to Bali? ;_; On the other hand, that might not be such a bad thing. Maybe I should hijack the plane... that way I could cross the Atlantic and bring her home, that would give us like another day or so together. Totally worth it! xD

Im going to Bodö in just a few days, it'll be epic, I can feel it! (not in my fingers, no) I just gotta find somewhere to sleep in Arvidsjaur first. I guess I could walk around all night and sleep on the bus, but given the option I'd rather sleep in a nice, warm bed. I was never very good at sleeping on buses.
It kinda sucks that hannes is going away for the week though. I mean, talk about lousy timing. I don't even know if I'll still be there when he gets back. Ive realised Im pretty clueless when it comes to this trip in general. But right now I couldn't care less.

On pins and needles

Im not sure this is the best of ideas. But I need an outlet for all the things that are buzzing around and causing havoc in my head. One second everything is fine, the sun is shining and I find myself looking into the scrying ball and seeing a happy future, but then, in the blink of an eye, something in me collapses and everything is turned on its side.

It's like jumping off a cliff for the rush and excitement off it only to halfway down realise the consequences of this action. Im totally more than half way >_<

Things which at first seemed fairly surmountable have proven not to be as simple as I first reckoned. I need to see her in order for this to work, that much is clear. There's a little catch though. She lives in Oslo and I'll be in Stockholm this year. Easy you say? Well, I thought so at first, but it turns out that the trains don't leave that frequently. Long day + no late trains = not good! But that's not all. Im not even sure they'll give me tickets abroad. ARGH!

What a terribly depressing rant. I'll try to stop. Need to focus on the positive things. Fun times ahead, yes yes.

Did some flying today with a friend of mine, we had a great time. Tomorrow I'll take mum flying, might be fun. We wont leave until 3pm so there's plenty of time to work on my tan... What am I saying, I never work on my tan! O_O I do other stuff and allow the tan come to me instead. It's such a slow process (compared to how past it fades anyway), can't really be bothered to just lie and wait for it to happen.

Some people say you can't eat the cookie and still have it for later. Well, that might be true, but if you eat it very violently there will without a doubt be some crumbs left, and those you don't have to eat right away. Unless you're sitting outside, then birds might eat them if left unattended. Mischievous little birds! (yes, very random indeed)

Hmm. Still should get some sleep though, Im dead tired. But it's SOOO FRIGGIN WARM! It was kinda stupid to leave the computer on last night with both the door and window closed. I swear I saw a finnish dude with a birch twig disappear under the bed when I woke up...

*Sighs*

I want this week to pass faster ;_; Stupid crappy week.

High as a kite by ten

So, this is my very first post in my very first proper blog. Gee, Im so excited I can barely keep myself from falling off this chair... NO, I never exaggerate, what are you on about? O_o

Since nothing particularely interesting happened today I thought I'd start by telling you about what I did last last thursday, namely some flying! The initial plan was that I and another pilot I don't know except by name were supposed to take our beloved Cessna to Umeå airport for a scheduled maintenance check. Now these planes, however small they might seem, have a capacity for carrying 4 people so an idea sprung to mind. Why not bring someone I know? That someone happened to be my second cousin and neighbor. When the other pilot heard of this he decided not to come at all. Weird, but hey, that meant we'd both get to sit up front, I wasn't going to complain xD

So said and done, at 5 am we headed off for the small airport about an hour's drive from home. At this point we were both insanely tired but expectant as to what the day might bring. From the time we got there until take-off, which was about an hour and a half, we had some breakfast, pushed the plane out from the hangar (takes a while), did a visual inspection of the fuselage, refueled and finally completed all the preflight checklists. Now all that remained was to push the throttle forward and take to the skies. And so we did!

After little over an hour of soaring about in a sky coloured orange by the morning sun the wheels touched down in Umeå. As by a miracle we managed to get on the bus (which apparently wasn't supposed to pick up passengers at the bus stop since that particular route had been cancelled for the summer O_o). My very first thought when we stepped of the bus was that this town had been subjected to a ruthless terrorist attack and was now completely deserted. The streets were empty and almost nothing seemed to be open. Luckily, this was not the case. We spent the first few hours walking around trying to familiarize ourselves with the layout of the city and also stopped for a quick cup of coffee (coke in my case). I also bought the most expensive chocolate muffin ever. Around eleven the stores finally opened. After that we did some serious shoe shopping, found the music store and tried some different guitars, ate lunch, walked, walked some more and... feet-death followed =/

What we felt when at 4 in the afternoon some guy finally called from the airport to tell us that the airplane was ready can only be described as relief. But as we tried to make our way back it started raining. Not good! Rain means clouds, not seldom low and intimidating ones, which in turn means no flying >_< Uh oh... we were now looking at the prospect of being forced to spend the night somewhere else entirely than what we had planned (our own beds). After some thorough and time-consuming weather research we decided to give it a try. The gods must have been smiling at us, or possibly laughing so hard that they forgot to throw those thunderstorms they'd been working on for so long at us, seeing there were almost no clouds at all between us and home. Only a couple of small, fluffy and really cute looking cumulus clouds stopped by to say hello and we, who didn't want to disappoint them of course, flew around them for a while pretending we were fighter pilots on a top secret mission. Lots of fun let me tell you!

So yeah, that was the story about when I saved the world from maneating giants. Oh, sorry, did I wake you up? I thought you were paying attention. Ahwell, no matter. I hope reading this hasn't killed you or left you in a state of mental breakdown. If that happens to be the case Im deeply sorry.

That's if for now. Oh, I nearly forgot. There's someone (way) out there I miss so incredibly much that it's almost driving me crazy. So, now that's said and equilibrium has once again been restored in the galaxy. Phew. Close call.

Go in peace! V